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MORE BILL JOKES:
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An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft
engineer were riding in a car, when suddenly it stalled. The
three passengers considered what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggested stripping down the
electronics of the car.
The chemical engineer suggested flushing the fuel system.
The Microsoft engineer shook his head. 'Why don't we
close all the windows,' he suggested, 'get out, get back in
and open all the windows again. Maybe it will work then.'
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What does the 98 in Windows 98 stand for?
1) The number of minutes it takes to install it.
2) The percentage of programs that won't run with it.
3) The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
4) The number of people who will actually pay for the upgrade.
5) The number of fatal errors.
6) The number of calls to support before it runs.
7) The number of times you have to reinstall it before it runs.
8) The percentage of workdays it will crash.
9) All of the above.
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Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.
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After a long and fruitful life Bill dies. At the Heaven's door
St.Peter tells Bill: I don't know what we should do with you. Some people think you should
go to Heaven, others that you should go to Hell. The choice is up to you. You can try both
for two weeks and then tell me which one do you prefer.
After two weeks of listening to angels playing harps in Heaven,
bored Bill asks to check out Hell. There he finds a tropical paradise, with palm trees,
good beaches and wonderful restaurants. So when the time comes to choose, he chooses Hell.
When St.Peter comes to visit him a couple of years later, he
finds Bill chained to a burning wall of fire, in eternal pain and suffering. Desperate
Bill cries out to St.Peter: but this is not the way it was when I tried it. St.Peter
replies: that was just the Beta version. This is an update.
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Time on your hands? Get Windows!
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If Microsoft took over Chevrolet:
1) A new model year Chevy wouldn't be available until a year after instead of a year
before.
2) Two or three times a day you would have to restart your Chevy after it died in the
middle of the freeway.
3) Only one person could ride in your Chevy, unless you bought Chevy NT, but then you
would have to buy more seats.
4) Your Chevy would run only on Microsoft Gas (tm).
5) Each time, before it inflates, your airbag would ask you "are you sure"?
6) Without obvious reasons your Chevy would have accident twice a day.
7) After you have performed certain standard manouvers (for example back out of your
garage), your Chevy would stop, and would move again only after you replaced the engine.
8) All the oil, coolant, temperature, pressure, battery and other gages and indicators
would be replaced with only one dashboard light, indicating general car failure.
9) Sometimes your Chevy would lock you out, and you would need a special trick to get back
in.
10) For each Chevy you would have to buy a second gold-plated key, which you don't really
need but without which it runs only at half the speed.
11) After the introduction of each new model year, you would have to re-learn how to
drive, because all the controls would be in a different place.
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Microsoft Windows: "A Virus with mouse support."
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A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
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Have you crashed your Windows today?
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Masochist: Windows user with a smile.
Sadist: Windows programmer with a smile.
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